sweet girl, in the diamond cut dress.
2004-11-23 @ 7:43 a.m.

my clothes iron makes these strange cracks and pops as it heats itself. this morning i lay in bed looking around my bedroom, taking in all of the shadows, thinking it really does look blue, all alone. like the movies. we didn't go to church last weekend, but as we fell asleep last night we talked and talked and talked. i used to assert, and often find myself being reminded, that church is just community. we had church in bed. that was our community. you can too. i told mike that sometimes it were as though i had the thinnest fog. not of doubt, but of question. not of uncertainty, but unknowing. sometimes my want of knowledge get's in between my want of God. not that i cannot love them both, but that i can only ever know so much. kant believed, and i agree, that we can only ever see one side of a coin. and although we may turn it over to inspect the other side, we are only ever in fact seeing one side of the coin at any one time. that, kant said, was the division between neumenal and phenomenal knowledge. and i told mike that sometimes it were as though, if i could only ever have that one moment of absolute clearity, where all of my words, my ideas, my theories could fall into line and even i could be surprised at their perfection, then i would know God. then He would be right there. then i said, 'That's my heaven.' just sitting at His feet, talking. just sitting at His feet, asking. Him just, replying.

gauche_____drop_____gauche_____drop_____gauche_____