there's that famous sound.
2005-01-11 @ 9:41 a.m.

there is so much bittersweet in my life right now. and i've been wearing a lot of red. Jessica is so close to leaving. Sweet, because i can hope for nothing else in all the world but to see her happy, gratified and comfortable. Bitter, because she can be none of those things here. Because making her any of those things is completely out of my hands. I saw Rachelle, probably for the last time in many months last night. We had dinner with her mom and went for drinks with anna at Soho. She leaves for Japan on sunday and i keep trying to find reasons to cram in last minute plans, like if i see her once more it will make not seeing her easier. it is sweet, however, to see her go, on the token of her aspirations and successes and my pride. i am so, so proud of her. more than anything my hopes are hinged on plans to visit. two thousand dollars to fly to japan and back to see my cousin in another country. how many dollars to fly to vancouver and back to see my bestfriend in her new apartment? john is gone, left days ago. and i keep wondering where he is now. driving down some high way, crossing some new border, watching some new landscape go by - john, i am praying for your perspective. i am thinking about you.

gauche_____drop_____gauche_____drop_____gauche_____